I Just Don't Know What to Do! Written December 8th 2020- Posted When the sun is shining and Hope is in the air.

 When this pandemic started I thought, I got this! I can do this. We all did. We didn't think it would reach us. As the weeks and months unfolded and the situation continues to get more dire with no concrete end in site, we are fatigued. 

I need to do something. Today I am choosing Joy. I can be a bit poly-Anish, but not this time. Summer was bearable, fall weather has been ok, but now I am done. I could feel my mental health slipping away over the past few weeks. I am shorter (figuratively) with people. I look forward to bed time more than any other part of the day. I found myself scrolling for like minded people,  certainly they are correct in their thoughts. I found myself spending more time watching TV, sometimes bingeing TV programs for hours. 

Something wasn't right. Covid fatigue. I am sick of it! I am sick of not seeing family, attending events, even happy hours. I am tired of the endless zoom meetings, the email, all of the emails. It is too much. 

I did get Covid, I was a lucky one, mild symptoms, headache, sinus infection feeling and fatigue. Such fatigue. Everyday I see people of my age and younger have died from this disease. It is so much. 

Today I decided I can do better. I need to go beyond just being grateful, I need to do more for my mental health. Today that means movement. I am not sure what tomorrow will be, but today, I intend to limit the social media, the news and the TV. I do my job and between meetings get some steps in. 

Tonight I will pick up a book, get lost in someone's story. At least for a time. I have heard we can all do hard things for a time; as long as we know how we have to endure. We have had no idea on this one.  

Find the Joy!

A few years back, maybe more than a few years ago, I had two granddaughters that started to come to our house every summer for a long weekend. Mariah and Naomi are now in their early 20’s, they called it Camp Grandma, a term I got from my kids going to their Grandma Rings. Camp Grandma was a way of connecting with grandkids when they didn’t live very close to us. We would spend some time playing games, doing things they didn’t have access to in the small towns they were from. We would go out for one fancy dinner, when we had a house with a pool in the backyard, we spent most of Camp Grandma poolside. Each year we would get different colored T-shirts with the kids’ names on the back. It was always fun, no matter how many kids could attend. I think the record was 9 kids at a time. Yes, Grandma was one tired chick after that one.

Suddenly there was an explosion of kids, lots of grandkids, we are up to 18 now. Seems there might be a few more in our future. (wink, wink, hopefully) Slowly with everyone's busy schedules Camp Grandma ended. Also, have you ever tried to keep up with 5 eleven and twelve-year-old girls in one weekend??? I will tell you it’s overwhelming. Grandma needed a vacation after that one! 

Camp Grandma was always a great way to connect with our grandkids that lived at least a few hours away. We would still skype occasionally, one of our grandson’s called me TV drama. Unable to say his g’s he knew me as the grandma that was on the TV, that is how they viewed their skype. I have always been grateful for the technology; we would have had a difficult time staying connected with these kids without it. My grandparents were so important in my life, I wanted my grandkids to at least know who I was. I couldn’t offer the comforting lap, the delicious pancakes my grandmothers delivered, I needed to do something, and Skype offered that something. 

Now in this time of pandemic I feel like I need these little humans in my life more than ever. We have created Sunday story time, it started with Mark and I reading to the kids, now the kids are doing some of the reading. It is delightful to hear their squealing, excited to have some screen time maybe, but time to see their cousins, aunts and uncles and of course Grammy and Bumpa. These times are hard, we need to look for the silver lining, story time is just that. Just this morning I spent some time with Mataya, age 7 doing a zoom meeting as we explored the Minneapolis Institute of Art. We made a list of things we want to see when she comes to Grandma’s house next time. Hopefully, this summer. 

When times are tough, and these are tough times for us extroverts that are missing our families, we must find new things that bring us joy. We are in this together and on the other side of it hopefully we will have stronger families because of it. 

#findthejoy in everyday

Leap Day

This is the day that I wrap up my winter, officially. I believe March is the gateway to spring. This is my last, oh woe is me, I live in the cold day. No more bundling from this day forward. This doesn’t mean it won’t be cold, this just means the bitter sub zero temps should be gone until hopefully, hopefully December.  

In March the sun stays in the sky a few minutes longer. The high and low temps rise a bit. The birds start to come back. The birds coming back is a good sign. It’s as if they know just when it’s safe to start hanging out again. I am going to take a cue from the birds. It’s time to get outside again. 

I am calling my March my get down to business month. It’s the month I will hit my stride for the year. My intentions are to move forward with my 20 for 20 goals. I will complete my first road race of the year this month. I restarted a water color painting class to get my creative mojo going. I am sure there will be hiccups this month, but the intention is to stay on track. Seems I need an intention to make things happen.

Today is our bonus day. Leap day gets our calendar back in order. Let’s use it to get ourselves back on track. This is also a great day to think about the bonuses we have in our life, call them blessing, call them your joy. February 29th is the perfect time to count them, feel them and live them. I am using this day to say we survived another cold winter. So much to be thankful for, so much joy in our lives. 

Let's get to work, time to get focused and use March as the “spring” board to a successful and joy filled 2020!

20 for 20

Inspiration comes in many ways. Some would ask why are you looking for inspiration? Why can’t you just live? Do you really need a list? The short answer is yes, I need a list and if I want to live my best life, I need to be inspired.  

Let’s face it January is when we get serious about resolutions. We clean up our act or at least make a list of desires for a good outcome this year. I think it’s safe to say most people don’t stick to their resolutions. That doesn't stop people from declaring a plan for the upcoming year.

It is popular to find a word or a phrase of the year. I like this idea, something that can guide you or pull you back on course as you get further away from your goals or from what you want your life to look like. 

I typically feel compelled to come up with some ideas at the beginning of the year that I intend to follow. A guideline to a successful year, or my intentions. I may just be trying to avoid the term resolution.  This year I will choose joyful, that may have been last years word, but then again the word might have been focus, we all know how that went. I love the word joy and joyful feels like it is doable. If allowed a secondary word, I am going with determined. I am determined to be joyful.

I follow many podcasts, one of my favorites is Happier with Gretchen Rubin. You may be familiar with her Four Tendencies or the Happiness project. The Happier podcast with her sister includes a yearly plan of intentions,  18 for 18, 19 for 19, etc. I like the different ideas they come up with all intended to make them happier throughout the year. They review them at the end of the year, honestly reporting how they did with their list. 

I find that when I try to live with intention, I do the things that I really want to do, the things I maybe should be doing (cleaning out the storage room) get left behind. There is joy in a neat and organized storage room, but the task seems daunting. I have two options, two days of taking everything out, throwing, giving away and reorganizing the things I need to keep. Or muddle through another year of trying to get organized. I have not decided on which method will fall into my joyful year but organizing the storage room is back on my list.

The entire 20 for 20 list is set. There are some lofty intentions, but I am ready for the challenge.  I am sure there are a few things that will remain on the list undone. That’s fine, it doesn’t have to be 100%. I will give it my best effort.

I hope to find joy by sticking to my plan. The clean closet, the writing I will get done. The simple pleasures are just what make up the moments of life.  At the end of 2020, I hope I can reflect back and be pleased with my progress. Excited about living for the day, using the list as a guideline but removing the stress of feeling like things are not completed. I am ready to dive in for a joyful year. January will be the reset. Let’s do this. Happy 2020!

For more on the 20 for 20 listen to the Podcast Unpredictable, you can find it on ITunes, Stitcher and SoundCloud.

My Dad Was in a Gang!

When I was growing up on the family farm in South Dakota there was a gang. I didn’t realize it at the time, but my Dad was a part of that gang. This group consisted of other farmers in the area. Men, who worked hard, enjoyed life and talking cattle and all things farming. I am sure there are many tales I don’t know, maybe they weren’t all for the greater good, but the stories I remember were very special. 

When one of the gang members needed a hand, the rest of the gang showed up. A simple phone call started the chain. I recall my Dad making some calls, “Yes, we’ll get started at 9”. Quickly hanging up without saying goodbye, my Dad never said goodbye. Making the next call and soon the gang was informed and ready to meet the next day to take on whatever was needed. 

In the summer Saturday night picnics with the gang included croquet, volleyball and those dangerous jarts. In the winter it was card games and laughter. The women always brought quite a spread. Food, games, laughter, it is what the pleasant memories of my childhood are made of, I cherish them.

I loved my Dad’s gang, the kids of these gang members were my best friends growing up. We played together, learned to drive, and yes, occasionally got into trouble together. We remain friends today. Maybe not seeing each other often, but we all share the love from that time of our lives. 

As this group of men aged the included their grandkids in on some of their fun. They took up golfing on the Gary golf course, enjoying a supper club meal recounting their week, the golf game and of course what was happening on the farm. Their wives fast friends enjoyed the fun, always having the best laughs especially during their birthday celebrations.

The friendships this gang started lasted their lifetime. One by one they have started to leave this earth, beginning with my Dad over 12 years ago. Every one of these guys holds a special place in my heart. I learned we lost another member of the gang. I am a little weepy about this loss. I am grateful for the legacy they left and for the friendships I have because of the gang’s friendship. 

Yes, my dad was in a gang. A gang of farmers, they were the good guys.

Taking a moment

Watching the sun rise over the city on a Monday after a the 4th of July holiday makes me take a moment to enjoy the beauty of it. Doesn’t matter if I see the beauty in the farm field across from the farmhouse, the park across the street or the city scape. I am reminded to take a moment to find the peace and tranquility in the moment. 

This past weekend we enjoyed some family time, some time to get a few things done

and even time for a nap. It was perfect. I always think I can do more and be more, it’s a running theme with me. I will say it is nice to take a break from it all and just watch the sun rise. Not worry about the meetings this week, the deadlines, and the stress that comes with getting it all done. For today I will try to remember to enjoy this day, have a grateful heart and thank the good Lord for the abundance in my life.

What does it matter what others think?

I am working on a big project; it will put myself out in my world in a big way. Yesterday as I walked down 12th street to the nearest grocery store to get some bread, which at times seems to be the very staple of life, I let the doubt creep into my mind.

What would others think of my project? Would I be good enough? Can I really pull this off or am I just trying to work on another pipe dream that I won't stay with to completion? This seems to be a pattern I get into. Where would this idea go?

As I walked the second block I started to wonder if others had these thoughts. Trying a new job? Moving somewhere new? How do they push their fears aside and just keep moving forward? Ten more steps and it came to me that you just have to walk through those fears; you have to not care what anyone else thinks. I would have to revert to the saying that I would often tell my children, "What is the worst thing that could happen?" I am rejected? It is all for naught?

Ten more steps helped me decide it doesn't matter if I fail, it doesn't matter if the world isn't in sync with my idea. Ten more steps and I couldn't wait to get home to get to work on it.

I recently heard on a podcast, what others think of me is none of my business. Through the years of told others, I don't care what people say behind my back, talk away. Just don't ever let me know and we are good. If that is how I have truly felt then it's time to move forward. What is the worst thing that can happen anyway? I write and no one reads? I find joy in writing; it is my happy creative place.

I will keep moving forward; pushing the negative Nelly thoughts aside when they creep in. It's time to create and challenge.

Here's to all of the people who take the extra steps to make their lives what they want them to be! Take on the world! I will stay in step with you along the way.